thoughts

Feelings April 17th 2017

Frustration.

Disappointment.
Sadness.
Confusion.

Anger.

I don’t like being told how to feel. I don’t like others talking about how I feel. I don’t want others to assume how I feel.

Just fucking talk to me if you want to know so damn badly. Stop hiding, Stop assuming. Talk. Listen. Learn.

Fucking hell. Is it really that complicated to trust that when I say I am happy that I am? When I say that I am doing ok, that it’s true?

I am happy. Yes. I have my down days.

Yes.

Yes those days are more frequent lately. That does not mean that I am unhappy with my relationship.

I am unhappy with my own cognitive performance. I am unhappy that I can not get my thoughts to stop racing. These racing thoughts have been there for years, they have nothing to do with my relationship. I mean, of course they do.

BUT. I am not unhappy with my wife.

I love my life. I am lucky to be where I am. To know what I know. To have all the experiences that I have had so far. I have got nothing in that aspect to complain about. I have possibly the worlds MOST supportive partner. My wife is pushing through everything with me. She is helping me to become the best, most productive and happy version of myself.

Never once has she asked anything of me in return. Nothing, besides my love. She really is the best thing to ever happen to me, and so it baffles me when people can not get over the fact that she is trans.

She was my husband in the beginning. Technically, legally she still is my husband, but I don’t treat her that way. I don’t see her that way. She is my wife, and will be for the rest of our time on this earth together.

My family, while I love them, and appreciate their concern, does not understand, and is not asking me about this at all. They for whatever reason are just assuming that I am unhappy because of what is going on with my relationship (My wife coming out, and seeking professional help) instead of asking me how I feel.

Its the most frustrating, obnoxious, and hurtful thing.

I understand they mean well….

but.

That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt.

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