thoughts

15 mins a day turned in to nothing…

So I was good at this blogging thing, for about a week. As I expected, after that I kind of just dropped off the face of the earth. Its possible that I mean that literally.

My head has been all over the place. One moment I need to go here, and the next moment, I have to call this person. and it is just plain chaotic.

I really am not dealing well with things, although since May I have been getting better. I got turned down for getting "sjukskriven" which means that I need to at least take some classes in the fall, but in order to be approved to get my student loans I have to write them a letter, and get a TON of papers showing why I did not achieve the results.

(I AM NOT DOING WELL GOD DAMNIT WHAT PART OF THAT DO THEY NOT UNDERSTAND) Its not like I haven't been going to the psychiatrist every other week since April, Its not like I haven't had several mental breakdowns since fall of last year to the point where I just wanted to kill myself. (btw: all of that is totally true)

But they do not care about only what I say, they want to see papers from my school and my doctors. Its a good thing that my new psychiatrist is on vacation until the middle of September! (NOT)

There is nothing I can do to change her schedule, I can only hope that another person in the office is able to look at her notes and write the information for me.

It is just a LOT of struggle, and during this time I have struggled SO MUCH with self love. So I am hoping to start back up blogging again. I want to try to use it again to get my thoughts out, as well as just kind of document what I deal with. (But also as a way to get out my sarcastic comments and other bullshit so that they do not come out to the wrong person.)

Other than struggling with self love, I am struggling again with binge eating. (Although it has gotten significantly better since I started my new medicine in April, it definitely is not a habit that is broken yet)

I think that I do not really have much more to say here about today, because I have spent my entire day basically on the phone calling and waiting in the queues to talk to someone who couldn't help me who said "well the person you need to talk to is on vacation, what do you want me to do? I can't help you. They have to be allowed to have vacation too" As if at some point I had said that they were not allowed to have free time (which for the record I did not say)

I respect that they are allowed to have vacation, and I understand that they definitely need it, as does everyone, but to close down an ENTIRE office until a week before school starts when everyone will be sending in their student loan papers just seems a little dumb to me. (Maybe I am just that person who tries to over prepare too much)

I feel very stuck right now, both with the way things are going, but also in my head. There are certain thoughts that I just can't loose, so I am trying my very best to get out of all of this. Hopefully I will have a better, more exciting blog to read tomorrow.

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